End of the Year

Well I hope that y'all aren't getting sick of my weight loss updates, but here is another...

I had a really bad week. It wasn't that I ate a lot on Christmas day, because Jim was sick so we didn't go anywhere. We stayed home and had snack food all day. Anyways, the rest of the week was really not good. I had to do a secret shopper at McD's, I was carving pizza(Domino's philly cheese steak), and I really didn't care. But I have already paid my membership through February so I was going to go and face the music. I always weigh at home before I go. My scale weighs heavier than the scales at Weight Watchers, which I like. So I hopped on the scale. And I had never leaned over before but for some reason I did this time and to my amazement I am 1 pound away from my New Year's Day goal! I am so excited. I had lost the 2lbs I gained last week + 1 more. Yeah me!

So when I got home from work I went through my pants and started looking for a smaller size to wear. Unfortunately all of the pants that I can get into need buttons. So I guess I will be sewing buttons tonight. I tried on a pair of jeans that I can't tell you the last time I had on and they fit and I am comfortable in them. I am getting rid of all of my pants and jeans that are too big! So there is no going back.

I have started reflecting about the past year. And what a wonderful year it has been. My marriage seems to be more solid then in years past. Our finances are doing great! (Thanks to my mom for getting us the Dave Ramsey book and taking the FPU class) And learning to be happy with what I have. Bailee is terrific and I can't imagine my life or world without her. I looked back at my 2009 To Do List and I actually can check every thing off. I am going to start my 2010 To Do list and I will post it later.

Happy New Year!

My Weigh In

This week has been so hard for me. I am adjusting too not having my husband around, I haven't kept track of my eating and I have been tired. With all that being said, I really didn't want to go "weigh in" at Weight Watchers. But I am so glad I did!

I gain 2lbs. Which is horrible, I know. But we had a guest speaker today Dane Benton. Some of y'all might know him. Anyways he came and talked to us about his weight loss. I truly got inspired. I looked at his before and after pictures, wow! It was amazing! He looks totally different. This week is going to be hard, I am not going to beat myself if I get off track this week. I also ran into my favorite kiddos today at work. (Caleb, Sweet Sarah, and Gabriele) And tonight Jim and I were suppose to go to a meeting, but it got canceled and I had already got a babysitter. So we are going out tonight. I am really looking forward to that. I received a gift card to Applebee's, thank goodness they have the Weight Watchers menu! So I can start off on the right foot this week.

I am in the process of making my resolutions for 2010! I looked back at the 2009 ones and I think I did a pretty good job in accomplishing most of the them.

I want to wish everyone Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

December 18, 2009

I wake up at 6 am and go into the office and fire up my work computer. I normally don't work on Fridays, but since Bailee was sick last week I needed to work everyday this week to make up.

I read my email and checked if anyone has blogged. I went got in the shower, talk to Jim about last night since we didn't get to talk last night, and see what he had going on today.

I get ready, get Bailee up. I was trying to get her dressed, and I reached for something and fell off the bed. I yelled for Jim and Bailee starts to cry. I am on the floor laughing and Jim is trying to figure out what is going on. I told him and asked him to get Bailee a sippy cup. Well he couldn't find one that we normally use. So he gives her one with this straw, needless to say Bailee and I don't like it. I am upset because she has 4 sippy cups and I can't find one of them!

I get to the light and realized I don't have my cell phone! I have to have my cell because it is the only place that has my work number to clock in. I drop Bailee off, and go back home. I walk in my house and realized what a freakin' pig sty. I can't find my phone. I asked Jim to call it and it is in our room. I walk in there and see all the laundry that hasn't been done, clothes on the floor that Jim needs to go threw and a bathroom that hasn't been cleaned in a month. I walk out and say to my self "You need to stay home and clean!" But I can't because I need to catch up on work even though I still have 2 weeks to complete 4 stores.

I get back in the car and I have to go get gas. Yes I asked Jim to do this for me last night, but "he forgot". I am pumping gas and realize that if I do go to work I wouldn't be doing a good job because I will be obsessing over my dirty, disorganize and disgusting house. I go pay for the gas inside because I need a diet coke. Get back in my car. And I go home.

I get home and I have accomplished so much and it is not even noon.

To Do List:

Laundry

re-organize and clean Bailee's room

clean hall and our bathroom

vacuum whole house

dust living room

clean dining room

clean kitchen

clean out and clean the refrig

eat lunch

clean stove

wash dishes by hand because the dishwasher isn't working well

go through junk mail

Yes, all of this is done and I feel so much better. Now the true to test is to keep it up!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Out of Place?

Do you ever feel out of placed?

I have been feeling this way for a while and I am not sure what to do to get back. If you aren't sure what I am talking about let me try to explain. I just can't find where I belong, I feel lost, I feel like I am in the way.

Goals

I know that y'all are probably tired of reading about my weight loss struggles. So if you don't want to here about it, you can skip this post.

I have been going to Weight Watchers for 2 months and I am proud to say that I have lost 8 lbs. I know that it doesn't sound like a lot, but I am proud of what I have accomplished. In those 2 months I didn't gorge myself in Halloween candy, I didn't blow it during Thanksgiving and I went to Texas not overeating.

I have set some short and long term goals for myself.

Short term to lose 3 more pounds before the end of the new year.

Then my next short term goal is to be ??? by Jim and I's anniversary in March 21st. (Sorry I am not yet comfortable telling the whole world)

Long term goal is by my birthday to be at 1?? ! I have decided that when I get to my goal I am going to take all-and I mean all-of my clothes to the Caring Center and I am buying a new wardrobe. I can't tell you the last time I went clothes shopping for myself. I know that it has been at least 3 years ago.

I have never felt this motivated before. I can truly see progress. I have been also keeping a measurement journal and I have lost a couple of inches as well. I am surprise that I am staying on track even though it is holiday time. The one thing I am struggling with is exercise. I just dislike this time of year. I don't like the cold weather and how early it gets dark. I really miss walking at night. I have tried to get up earlier and exercise with the FIRM videos but I can't get out of bed. I hate that this time of year has this control over me.

WARNING TMI

So one more thing I am hoping that comes with this weight loss is my periods. I haven't had a period in a year and a half and that one was induced. I noticed some crapping, so maybe it is on its way! I know I am weird that I get excited when Mother Nature comes calling. I have this crazy fantasy that I will lose this weight and get pregnant. That would be a dream come true.

Well I hope that everyone has a terrific week. And if I don't blog before Christmas, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Cooking?

As many of y'all know I was doing E-Mealz. I did let my subscription go out because with the holidays and me joining Weight Watchers I figured it wouldn't be worth the money until the new year. This week I was trying to figure out my menus for the week and I came up with nothing. A light bulb went off and I decided to go through my old E-Mealz menus and pick out our favorite meals. So I would like to share with you one of our favorites:

Mexican Cass.

1/2 lbs of ground beef cooked

1 C. salsa

1/2 a can of chili beans

8 oz. of sour cream

1 C. of shredded cheddar

tortilla chips

olives

tomatoes

Preheat oven to 350

Crush some chips in the bottom of a 9x9 pan. Cook groud beef add beans, salsa. Spread over chips and then spread the sour cream then olives and tomatoes. Top with cheese. Pop it in the oven for 30 minutes.

This meal feeds 2-3, but if you have little ones it could feed 4 just increase the meat to a pound. I added a can of corn and it was much more filling.

Anyways I hope y'all enjoy the recipe.

Do I have the right words?

Everyone has had so many great blogs lately! They have really been giving me a lot to think about. Chrissy blog about Santa Claus really got me think about how am I going to explain Santa to Bailee. Then I started to think that is the least of my worries.

How am I going to explain adoption and where she came from? I know that we will tell her the truth. That is an absolute! I am not sure how to go about it. I have been told to start talking to her now even though she doesn't understand what I am talking about, so that when she starts understanding I will be comfortable talking to her about it. And I have started doing that. I even made up a song for her that I sing to her every night. There is a line in there that I tell her that she is my angel from above, my one and only love. We have story books about adoption and where she came from and we do read those to her on occasion, but I know that she is going to have more questions than what the book explains. I have talked with other adoptive parent and children of adoption and they have given my great advice, but I am scared. I am scared that Bailee just won't understand and resent/hate her birth parents and or Jim and me.

I know that some of you will say you have nothing to worry about. Bailee loves you and you are her only parents. And I know that y'all mean well. But really no one really knows what she is going to be like or how she is going to react. I pray that Jim and I can find the right words, and that she can find it in her heart to understand why she is with us.

Sleeping

I have noticed something, since I have started on Weight Watchers I have a hard time going to sleep. If you by chance notice my time post it is way past my bed time. I usually go to bed around 9 or 9:30, yes I know that is early to some, but I need at least 8 hours of sleep. I enjoy sleeping mostly because I can remember my dreams. I enjoy waking up and remembering what I had dreamed about and I start to analyze it. I wish I would write them down sometimes, they would make an excellent book. Maybe sometime I will share one of my favorites with y'all. Anyways I am going to try to lay down again and fall asleep.

Strangers at the Diner

I have to drive through downtown to get to the babysitters house. And every morning I always look inside the Diner.

I am not sure why I do this. I think maybe it would be nice to stop in and get a hot breakfast fixed for me or that I am just nosy to see who is there.

Anyways, I notice this one couple, they always sit in the non-smoking section man on the left the woman on the right. They are there every weekday. I wonder if they order the same thing every morning? I wonder what they talk about or if they even need to talk? I wonder what the rest of there day is like? For some reason I am fascinated by this couple.

Sometimes I think what it will be like when Jim and I are older and retired. Will we have "our" table at the Diner. What will our life be like?

Getting Motivated

Okay, most of y'all know that Jim has a new job. So that means 7 years of Phelps County stuff is out of my house! I am so excited! I am trying to go threw our "office" and get it all out. All the uniforms, paperwork and somehow we have 3 laptops that don't work. I am trying to get the room organized, again, and cleaned out so that we can take the bed out of Bailee's room and put it in here. So that when my mom comes to visit she has a room to herself and get a toy box for Bailee's room. I have also made a new rule for the house 'NO POLICE WORK IN OUR HOUSE'. This is going to be hard to enforce, but I am going to try to stop it before it gets out of hand.

I have also realized that I want to start sewing again. I know this might be a shock to some people, but I loved sewing. I love looking and feeling fabric. I wish I was better at it. I plan on getting my machine fixed and start a quilt top in January. I realized that I need something to do in the evening after Bailee is asleep. I have about 2-3 hours of down time and I am bored. And when I am bored I graze, which is not good. By the way I didn't lose or gain any weight during the holiday! Yea me!

I hope to have the room completed by this weekend. And no I didn't take any before or after pictures.

Thanksgiving

I hope that everyone had a good and safe holiday.

Our Thanksgiving was celebrated at Jim's Aunts house in Pierce City, Mo. It took about 3 hours to get there and back. We had a nice visit, but for some reason it didn't feel like Thanksgiving. I don't know if it was the fact it was the first without Jim's Grandfather, me missing my dad, or the weather. I don't know. It just didn't feel like a holiday. The holiday just seemed to pop up this year.

I remember my grandparents always saying when I was a kid how time flies. And being a kid you think right, whatever. But the older I am getting the more that is true.

One of the things I am thankful for are for my friends that I have made in the past year. I have gotten to know so many people this year and it has been great. I am also grateful for is that my friend had another wonderful holiday with her son, that is battling cancer.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Last Blog of Jon and Kate...

How many of y'all watched Jon and Kate Plus 8 series finale?

I did. I had debated to watch or not, but then I figured I might as well watch it now because you know they will be rerunning it over and over. That is one thing about TLC, just wait a couple of hours and you will see it again.

Anyways my heart went out to Kate or any woman that goes through a mans mid-life crisis. Why do some men have mid-life changes? Were they not honest with who they are at the beginning of the relationship and now realize that they are sick of being something they aren't? Or are they being selfish? Anyway you look at it, it sucks. It is like one day your husband wakes up and your world has literally crumbled. You don't know what to do. You want to fix it with all your heart, but then you are so mad at the same time you just want to hit someone or something. Getting over the anger is so hard and somedays you just don't get over it.

And yes I am sure that there are women out there that have mid-life crisis. But it seems that most of the time the men go through it or that is all you hear about.

When a man and a women decide to have a family, we (meaning the women in the relationship) think that it is a team effort. And you expect your man to be around through the bad and good moments of parenting. When Kate was talking about driving somewhere and looking over at the passenger seat thinking that Jon should be driving, her partner.

Yes Kate was no angel and how she treated Jon wasn't the best, but I still think they could have worked on there relationship a little more than giving up as fast as they did. I think for the kids sake they should have shown that they tried to work on their marriage. I how do you go from renewing your vows to seperation in a year? I don't get that.

I know that divorce happens and I am grateful that my parents stayed together. I learned from them how to deal with the good times and bad and how to work out our problems. And there are issues that can't be overcomed, but you must move on.

What it must be like?

So today Bailee and I went to a birthday party. And some of the mother's talked about getting pregnant. I have always wonder what it would feel like to have your child inside of you. I believe that being pregnant is a beautiful thing. I have never touched a pregnant belly before. And to be honest I don't want to, because I don't think I could emotionally handle it.

The 'experts' say if woman with PCOS would lose weight and get as close to there ideal weight ovulation is more likely to occur. Not that in the past I hadn't tried, but with the cost of infertility treatments and the stress that I was under weight never came off. I figured the stress level is down because we have Bailee and for the most part we have accepted that our family is complete. But we always talk about how great it would be to have another baby. So if I ended up pregnant it would be absolutely amazing. But if it didn't happen I would be okay.

I also find it fascinating that women are 10 years younger than me with kids older than Bailee. And I wonder what it must be like to be 20 something and knowing your family is complete. And that you have so many wonderful years ahead of you. When Bailee graduates from high school I will in my mid 50's, scary. And I really don't think 50ish is old, but it is still 50. I am not saying that I would changed how my life has turned out, but I wonder what kind of mother I would be if I was younger.

All Over the Place

I have been at this computer at least 5 times starting a new blog. But I get started then I think do I really have anything to say?

I started blogging about Jim and the thought of his new job. Then I remember that he doesn't like it that I blog about him and he doesn't even read my blogs. However, he finds out what I have written and I don't what to have another 'argument'.

Then I started to talk about our trip to Texas. I realize that there isn't much to say. We drove all day there, saw family, and drove all day back home. By the way I had a great time and it was a beautiful wedding.

Then I thought I should give an update about Weight Watchers. Okay I lost 6 lbs. the first 2 weeks, went to Texas and gain 2 lbs. back. However I am back on track! And very excited to see how much I lose before Thanksgiving. I really enjoy going to the meeting, loving the support.

I started a blog about the holidays. But then I got depressed because my father's birthday falls on Thanksgiving. So this year it is really going hard to say yes I am Thankful, which I am, but I want my Daddy here.

My last blog I tried to write was about. How other lives can change so fast. At church I found out someone had gotten married and I didn't even know there divorce was final. My mouth hit the floor. I was just so surprised!

So there you go 5 blogs in 1. I hope that y'all have a great week and a better weekend. I will be so happy when the sun comes out!

Happy Birthday Sesame Street!

When I was growing up I remember watching one show and that was Sesame Street. I was so shocked to hear that it turn 40! I didn't realize that it was only 4 years older than I am. I had a Cookie Monster stuff animal, he was my favorite besides Big Bird. I love this show. I am so glad that it is still on, so that Bailee can watch and learn from it. We watch it together everyday that I am off. I think I enjoy it more than she does sometimes. I love how they will take a 'popular' song and change for kids to learn from. I just can't say it enough I love this show and I wish I could go to Sesame Street.

WIW-a New Begining

Well I am sure that y'all thought I had forgotten or given up my weight loss battle. Think again! I am still fighting. A couple of weeks ago I decided to do Weight Watchers. My mom has been on and off doing the program for years. She has always told me to give it a try, I just couldn't justified paying someone so I could just weigh-in. The program is very simple you can eat whatever you want but with in your points.

So I had a long talk with myself, yes I sat in my room with the door shut and actually talked out loud. (maybe if I get my weight under control I can work on my mental state) I decided that I am going to do it.

So I signed up on the internet and called my mom. She was so excited! She has started back up too. I was getting excited as well. They have meeting in Rolla 4 times a week. I was even more happy when one of the meetings is on Tuesday mornings. I always have to work in Rolla on Tuesdays, so how perfect. Luckily I can leave work and come back when ever I want to. I know that if they had only offered meetings at night I would find a reason not to go.

The first meeting I felt like crap. I have been fighting a sinus infection or something, so I weighed in and stayed for the meeting. I was suppose to stay and talk to get acquianted with the program, but I didn't. I did okay that first week. I did slip up a couple of times and didn't write down what I had eaten, but I got back on the wagon. The second meeting I was really nervous. Did I lose any? Or am I wasting my money. Well I lost 3 pounds, I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but for me and the week I had had, I was very pleased.

I am on week 3 and yesterday I had a bad day. I didn't plan out my meals. I had to make dinner for Jim's meeting. So I went to McD's. And of course while I was in the drive thru and you know who saw me. She texted me and told me she saw me. I felt so bad, and after I whooped down the double with cheese I felt sick. Really sick.

But today is a new day. So you won't see me at McD's the rest of the week. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

"first things first"- I loved this book

I have a habit when I go to a store with books, I always have to go see what they have. Not that I am this big reader type, I just like to look what is out there. This is probably due to the fact that I stocked and I am still stocking books for a living.

Anyways, a few months back I noticed a book by Kurt Warner. He used to be the quarterback for the Rams. Being that my husband is a huge Rams fan I picked it up. I thought it was another autobiography, but to my surprise it isn't. In the liner notes it says, "First Things First is an intimate, no-holds-barred look at life inside the crazed and chaotic Warner household." From what I have read or seen on T.V. about Kurt Warner he is a class act. He is what every athlete and man should strive to be. So I put the book down and thought maybe one of these days I will get it.

I know that some of y'all have doubts about the library not having current titles, but I love our library. I save a ton of money, not having to buy all the magazines that I like. So every time I go I check out the 'what's new section' and they had the book. So I checked it out. It is about there values and how they raise there children. They have rules, which I agree with most of them.

Rules for Being a Warner Daughter or Son.

1. Everyone has to agree on which strangers’ meal to pay for when dining at a restaurant.(This one I would love to be able to do, but going out to eat is rare treat for us right now, but maybe one day)

2. At dinner, share the favorite part of your day.

3. Hold hands and pray before every meal.

4. After ordering at a restaurant, be able to tell Mom the server’s eye color.

5. Throw away your trash at the movie theater and stack plates for the server at restaurants.

6. Spend one hour at an art museum when on the road.

7. Hold hands with a sibling for 10 minutes if you can’t get along.

8. If you can’t get along holding hands, sit cheek to cheek. (If you can’t get along cheek to cheek, then it’s lips to lips!)

I know that some of y'all aren't big reader but really this book is an easy read, it took me 3 days and I am a slow reader. I plan on buying the book so I can refer back to it. If you do read it I would love to hear what y'all have to say. And hear your opinions about some of there rules.

Texas Culture Lesson Part 2

So someone wanted to learn more about Texas. So here is some more things about Texas that I didn't realize was just a Texas thing.

In Texas there are exits every mile or 1/2 mile. Not like here in Missouri were if you miss an exit you have to drive 5 miles to the next one to turn around. Yes this has happen to me on more than one occasion.

In Texas the queso is a yellow or orange cheese, NOT WHITE. This one is very annoying for me. I can't tell you the type of cheese they use, but it is a thick creamy cheese. I will try to get the info on the kind of cheese it is. But the queso they serve here is a white and watery.

In Texas Friday night is High School Football. The Band plays the fight song before, during and after the game. Unlike STJ I still don't think I have heard the fight song. Hey Tina-can you sing it for me!

In Texas there is a jewelry store called James Avery and they have dangle rings. I had like 5 of them. I haven't seen them here. I love there jewelry I am wanting a charm bracelet from there. They also have beautiful religious jewerly. Check it out! www.jamesavery.com

Hope you enjoyed the info and if you have any other question please let me know. LOL!

My Moment

I have had a nagging feeling about Bailee's adoption. I have the court orders saying that the adoption was final, sign by the Judge and the clerk, but I still didn't feel like everything was in order. I don't have much confidence that the government would file the paperwork correctly.

I have been trying to get ready for Tax Time, since our computer crashed so went all the documentation of the money we spent for the adoption. So I was going through paperwork and found the Birth Certificate Application. I have always known that I needed to get her Birth Certificate but I thought they would send it to me. Well they didn't. And I have been scared to get it. I am afraid that they would tell me that the adoption was incomplete or something along those lines. But I faced my fear on Wednesday! I went to the Health Dept. and asked for it and they gave it to me. No problems or fear or stress. They said here you go and that is $15. (thank goodness I had some cash on me that day)

As I left the office waiting to get on the elevator I got so emotional. There it was in black and white. Mother-Kimberly Vorpahl of Bailee Grace. Yes, I cried.

I finally have come to peace that she is mine. I have the last document in my hands and no one can tell me differently. I know that there won't be a knock on the door asking us to hand her over or them taking us to jail because we kidnapped her. I am at peace.

Your Lesson about Texas Culture

This is an example of a Homecoming Mum. This is a normal one they do get bigger, because everything in Texas is BIG! Since one of my blogger friend didn't know what one was I thought I would share it for everyone. In doing some research on the subject I learned that they are a OK and TX thing. I am sorry that I assumed that y'all just don't do this. So I retract that question.

Have a Great Day Everyone!

Questions about Missouri

Questions that I have had since I moved here.

1. Why don't y'all have Homecoming Mums? {The big mum with streamer and the famous cowbell that every girl wore on Homecoming night?}

2. Why doesn't the band play songs during the game? Like Rockin' Robin?

3. Why are some roads just letters? And if you take A in Phelps County why won't it be the same road in Crawford County?

4. Why don't all schools have air conditioning? When I first moved here I couldn't figure out why they would let school out early in Aug. and Sept. I finally got the courage to ask someone and they told me the schools don't have air. Being from South Texas that is the craziest thing I had ever heard of. I mean it was 1995! No Air!

5. Why do all the roads have to be so curvy?

6. Why is it called the Show-Me state?

Good-bye Old Friend

Dear Friend

I am sorry that you are gone. We have been friends for 20 years. You have been faithful to me always there making sure I got my day started on time. You where the last thing I listen to every night. You were one of the few things that traveled with me to Missouri. I will miss you! You have grown old with me and it is time for you to retire. I have replaced you with a fancier version, but you will always have a soft place in my heart.

Goodbye,

Kim

A touchy subject...

It is a special gift to be able to view the world through the eyes of a Child

Unknown

I read this quote the other night and thought about all those children that we won't be able to view the world through there eyes. What would they have looked like, what type of child would have they been or what joy they would have brought to someone. If I had ever gotten pregnant I would never be able to abort a child, but I do feel that there should be a safe place for mothers to go for medical reasons. Bailee could have been one of those children and I Thank God everyday that she is mine. I want to scream from the tallest building and tell these women not to do it. Go through the pregnancy and give that child to a loving home. I am sure it is the hardest thing to do, to give up a child, but I can't imagine the guilt and loss you would have to live with for the rest of your life if you went through the abortion. Adoption is hard as well but the outcome is the greatest reward, you are giving your child an opportunity to live and to experience life.

Life is a precious thing!

New Friends

Even though I have lived here almost 15 years, I felt like I don't fit in, in this town. I didn't grow up here or around here so I am not in the loop with who is who. I go to the store and people say hello or give me a dirty look because of who my husband is even though I have no clue who they are.

Lately I have been feeling in the loop. I love the fact that my neighbor can call me and ask for milk. Or that I can call another neighbor about an issue with a bill and complain about it. And ask someone to go to Target with me. I haven't felt like this in a very long time. I have not had any close friends since I moved here, until this past couple of years. And I really love and cherish all of these friendships I have gained in the last year. Most of them have come to know more through the blogging world, church and school.

So basically with out getting all mushy, I just want to say thanks for welcoming me into your lives, it means more than you will ever know!

Random Thoughts

Here are a few thoughts that have been floating in my head

How is Bailee or Jim and I going to do during our drive to Texas?

How I miss living in a big town.

If I will ever get back to Texas for good.

What did I do before Bailee.

I love it when Bailee sees me when I am picking her up at the babysitter.

I wish that we were really close to be out of debt, like 3-4 months close.

When we do get out of debt where are we going to go on our cruise.

Misses a dear friend in Holister, Mo.

Wanting to redo the house-floors, baseboards, doors and paint

I have been praying for a friend and I hope that they get there answer soon.

Wonders why my husband doesn't know where the trash can is located, he has lived here for 10 years.

Doesn't understand why our government is in the red and why is China holding our debt?

Wishing that I could talk to the president

I wonder why I go to bookstores, buy books but when I get home I am not interested in them anymore.

Can't wait for the next "Me, Myself and I" day.

Frustrated that I found a wallet that I like and when I get home the zipper was broke on it

Wonders if anyone really reads my blogs

Hoping that the rest of this year goes by fast

These are just a few thoughts that I have had lately.

WiW on Sunday

So I didn't blog on WiW because I was embarrased. Last week I was on my 2nd week of my workouts and I didn't workout all the days I was suppose to. I can give every reason why I didn't, but all the excuses don't really matter. Simply put I just didn't do it. I did get up this morning and worked out. I really didn't want to but I did it and feel great. I lost 2 lbs, just 18 more to go!

I would like to thank my friend Chrissy! She said something in passing that I really never thought about. We were talking about T-shirts. And I started thinking that I always wear my husbands XXL. I wear them for the obvious reasons they are big and comfy. And I don't think about how tight or uncomfortable my own shirts are. But I need to have that consent reminder that my clothes are uncomfortable and tight. So no more XXL shirts for me!

The search for the perfect Wallet

Okay this is the part that I hate about not being able to get what I want when I want it! Thanks Dave Ramesy.

I need a new wallet and I have been looking at them for a month. I went to the Hallmark store about 2 weeks ago and found this wallet that has initials on it. I was like that is the wallet I want. Of course, I didn't have the money at the time. So I knew that I was getting a check from a small job I did that would cover the cost. I left the store thinking Dave would be so proud! So I got the money and went back to the store today.

You probably know what is coming.

Yep they didn't have it anymore. I looked at the letter 'K' and 'A', both were sold out. Now I have to start all over in my wallet search. And of course I know there is not a wallet in town or Rolla that I like because the one that I love is gone and the others don't measure up.

By the way the lady was so nice in telling me that they have a layaway plan after the fact :(

Luckily I am having a Me Myself and I day on Saturday. So the search continues!!

WiW

Okay I know that I have not posted anything in a couple of weeks. I had some computer issues and then other stuff. Anyways, I wish I had something positive to report but I don't I gain about 5 lbs. in the past couple of days. Yes days! I am pretty upset about it.

But Jim and I watched the Biggest Loser last night and there is a woman who lost her husband and both of her kids, one of them was 2 or 3 weeks old. I sat there and thought this woman Abby, has incredible strength, even though she gain weight she still got out of bed every morning and didn't give up on life. I thought what would I do if today Jim and Bailee were taken from me? Would I be able to get up or just curl up and do nothing. And then I realized I am doing nothing! I haven't suffered the lose of my whole family, so why am I still doing nothing. A couple of months ago I watched a info-mercial on the FIRM Wave. I borrowed the exercise videos my neighbor had that were the FIRM exercise program and really enjoyed them, however doing an hour of cardio I didn't like. I did see results. The Wave is different more like step aerobics. So I saved up for it and I ordered it! Which for me to buy something for myself is very rare. It came in last week. I went over the workout calendar and decided that starting Sunday would be the best day to start. And I did! I used to be a 4 or 5 in the morning person as long as I was going to work not working out. But I am happy to report that I have been sticking with the workout calendar. I have enjoyed getting up early, after I workout I get my pink cup of ice water and watch the sun come up. Side note: If you haven't watched the sun come up lately it is a beautiful thing!

So if you walk by my house at 5 in the morning on S,M,W,TH,F you will see the fat girl not doing nothing.

A question for everyone

If you had a do over what would you do over?

My do over would be, talking to the birth mother after Bailee was born. The day after Bailee was born I felt a overwhelming need to talk to her, even though some people thought I shouldn't, mainly the social worker. (that is a story in itself) But I just had to tell her what was in my heart. But some of y'all might know that when I get emotional I cry. So I walked into her room and just let it all out and it didn't come out pretty. I cried and tried to get out what I was feeling. I don't regret going in there and talking to her I just wished I could have done it better and I should have written it all out, so I wouldn't have repeated myself so much. But it is what it is.

Do you have a do over?

Questions

Why do some people get under my skin? Why do I feel that I am competing with them and there lives? Why do I always compare myself to them?

Am I happy with my life? Yes I am very happy with what I have. Would I have changed anything? Nope this is the way my life is suppose to be.

So why do I feel like this with certain people?

Do you ever feel like this? Or is it just me? If you have an answer please share it with me.

It just gets to me...

I love music! I enjoy singing, even though I am bad at it. Music can put me in such a great mood. I wish I could write music I think it is an amazing talent for those who can. However, there are a handful of songs that when I hear them I break down and cry. And I am talking about the ugly cry! There are two songs that every church sings, 'How Great Thou Art' and 'Amazing Grace' everytime I hear these songs I have an ugly cry moment. One of these songs was played at my Dad's funeral, and hearing it just takes me back to a day I would like to forget. And my Grandmother said that it will be played at her funeral when she passes. Another day I am not looking forward to.

So today at church I read the bullentin and saw the song 'How Great Thou Art' I sat there thinking I can do this. I can sit here and sing this song and not shed a tear. Then it happened...a flood of memories of that day in July. I started to tear up so I left. Jim wasn't with me so I was able to make my escape and I got Bailee and came home. As I drove home I thought about all the great times my Dad and I had. Which made my tears go away. I hope that one day I can set through church and listen to these songs that I do enjoy without crying.

Happy Friday To All!

I hope that today is the start of a good weekend for everyone.

I have been frustarted this week.

1. Mostly with Jake, the dog. I know that he is getting old, and that I should have more patience with him, and when he is gone I know that I will miss him. I feel that I am not only taking care of one child but two more, really. Bailee loves Jake and always wants to touch him, well Jake doesn't like Bailee or anyone for that matter touching him. When you have food he is your best friend, in your face waiting for you to drop something. He licks everything and everyone. I am tired of the growling, whining, and barking.

2. I want to go shopping!!!!! I want to go to St Louis and spend lots of money, problem we don't have any. I have never been a big shopping person, I love to go to the mall and look more than anything. But lately I have been making list for things I want and what we need. I have a Sam's list, Micheals list and mall list. After making the list I got depressed because I realized I won't be getting any of this stuff for a while.

3. I realize that I am not a good "stay at home" mom. This is very hard to admit. I just get bored staying at home.

By the way I had a good laugh yesterday! You know that we get the St James Press Extra in the mail. Guess who was on the front page, Jim. I laughed so hard because of the title of the article "School will be 'attacked' and Jim, the resource officer, is smiling. If anyone knows my husband the one thing he hates in life is getting his picture taken. So during the board meeting, which he didn't want to go to, he had to explain what the Active Shooter thing was. And after he was done the paper came up and took his picture. He turns to him and says 'Thanks' well everyone started to laugh, so they took another picture and that is the one they printed.

WiW

I am here to report that I still have 16 lbs to lose. I did walk a couple of times this week. Not much else to say, not feeling very cheery today.

Hoarding

It is Saturday night and my husband is having a guys night. So I actually get to watch what I want on T.V. I was flipping threw and found a show Hoarding on A&E. At first I was like these people are so lazy, but they are not well. This one woman had a rotten pumkin and as they were removing it with a shovel she was picking out the seeds because she wanted to grow another one like it. I hope that these people get the help they need. Well I know now what I will be doing Sunday after church...cleaning out closests and cabinets.

A first in our marriage.

For the first time since we have been married Jim is not coaching football. It is kind of weird. No camp, no afterschool practices, no friday night games(that I am required to go to), and no after game get together. I would love to say that I wish he was coaching but I am glad he isn't. Jim never brings home his "cop" work, but football he brought it home everyday. He took the loses so hard and his mood lasted all weekend or until the Rams played. I do enjoy football, but football here is so different than the football I grew up with. I just don't feel the excitement when the players come out and when they play. I do hope the St James Tigers do well this year. I am sure that I will be attending a couple of games, but one difference is that when the game is over it is over.

Weigh in Wednesday

How did WiW start?

I was inspired by several things. One was my friend Chrissy, she has Measure Me Mondays, I really enjoy reading about her ups and downs and plateaus. It really makes me feel that I am not the only one that struggles in losing weight. The other inspiration is being on Facebook. I went to high school in Texas and since I don't live there anymore I don't run into people that new me back when. But now being on FB I have gotten in touch by so many of my classmates, and with our 20 years class reunion coming up in a year I have gotten very motivated. (Yes I am that old) I have encouraged my best friend to do this with me. So on Wednesdays we get on FB and chat online about how we did or didn't do. We started about a month ago and I have offically lost 5lbs. I have 16lbs. to go. We are meeting at my brothers wedding in November and we plan on celebrating! By having our husbands buy us something. I am thinking earrings. When I reach my goal in November I still have a long way to go to be at my goal weight, but the "experts" say make small goals that you can reach and you will be more successful.

So you are probably wondering what are you doing to lose the weight? Well, I have been exercising, not as regular as I want to but I have been doing it. I have been doing the Firm DVD's they kick it. I really enjoy the weight training and hate cardio. The eating part is the hardest for me. I know what I should and shouldn't eat, but come on like I am never going to have chocolate chip cookies or pizza? I know moderation but that is very hard for me and always will be.

I plan on posting every Wednesday my progress or lack of. If y'all have any suggestions or ideas for a future post let me know.

I Am Back

I am back to the Blogging world. I had been reading all the blogs the last couple of weeks and realized how much I missed it. I don't think I will be blogging everyday but maybe once a week. Since I have been gone a while, you would think a lot has happen. Well not really.

Bailee is now 1 and has no fear. She climbs on everything and everyone. Jake, our dog, is not real happy except when Bailee has food because she loves it when he eats out of her hand. Bailee is no longer taking a bottle, I packed them all up this weekend. I was a little sad because she is no longer a baby and now is a toddler. I do enjoy every new stage a little more than the last. She finally has 6 teeth, four on the top and two on the bottom. She got them all in 2 weeks.

Jim and I are doing well. Nothing to exciting, just keeping our heads above water. We did finish the Financial Peace University class. We both truly enjoyed the class and if you haven't taken it you should. I know people think it is all about getting out of debt, but it is so much more. You learn what type of insurance you should have, how and what to invest your money in and what documents you should have in case something happens to you. A great class for anyone at any stage in there lives, but the earlier you start the better off you will be.

We are going to Texas in November for my brothers wedding. I am so excited about going. This will be our first road trip with Bailee. When we went to Texas for Christmas last year we took the train and she was on the verge of crawling, so I don't know how she will do in a car for 13+ hours in a car seat. Another fabulous adventure!

I am glad to be back. Talk to you soon.

Goodbye

I am going to stop blogging. I will delete my blog by the end of the week. Jim and I are trying to save money and we have decided that we need to get rid of the internet. I will still have access but on a very limited basis. I have enjoyed blogging, it has truely helped me get through some tough times and I have been able to share all the joyous time as well. I gotten to know so many of y'all through this and I will continue to read your blogs. I have started a journal again. And I hope that one day Bailee will be able to enjoy reading it, when she gets older, and will understand her mother a little bit better. So keep blogging girls. Talk to you soon

Kim

Calling All STJ Moms

I have noticed that all of us have been stressed out lately. I was wondering if y'all would like to get together and have a play date for Moms only. Nothing fancy, maybe we can meet at someone's house and bring our favorite stress food. Let me know if this sounds like something y'all might want to do. I would gladly have it my house.

My Inspiration

I often wonder what inspires people to volunteer or to get behind a cause? My inspiration has come from a 9 year old boy. He inspires me to live each and everyday. When I get down and feel sorry for myself I think of him and his mom. You see he has Brain Cancer to be exact he has Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma. There is no cure.

His mom and I have been the best of friends since elementary school. She and I have been though a lot together. Falls (lol), Loss of Parent, Marriages, Divorce, Children, but not in a million years did we ever think this would happen.

Last month I signed up for Send Love Today. It is an orginaztion that sends cards to children and adults with Brain Cancer. I am also lucky to have a friend, Ashley, to give me ideas and some supplies to make this happen. I know that it is not much, but who doesn't love to get a card in the mail, better than a bill. If you would like to know more about Hunter or any of the other kids or to join Send Love Today please go to http://www.caringbridge.org or www.sendlovetoday.blogspot.com

I would love to hear what inspires you?

Mother's Day

I have watied a long time to celebrate my first Mother's day. I am honored to be Bailee's mom. But I am reminded of years past.

After a couple of years of marriage, you are going to get the question, When are y'all going to start having a family? When you struggle with infertility you learn to fight back the tears, put on a fake smile and say we are trying. Every year Mother's Day was a reminder that another year has passed and you have failed. In years past Jim and I would go to church and watch all the mom's and dad's get up and have their children dedicated. I would make it half way threw the ceremony and have to excuse myself. I just couldn't understand why not us. Now this year it is us and I am go excited and overjoyed. But I am reminded that there are a lot of wanna-be moms out there, that will be struggling on Sunday. I pray that they have courage and faith.

What a Week

This has been a very hard week for me. All I can say is that goodness it is over. I know that other mothers have harder weeks than I do, but I am not myself.

Bailee is standing up by herself without needing something to hold on to. She is growing up way too fast. She still doesn't have any teeth. I made her 1 year appt. on July 8, which is my birthday, not really excited about watching my daughter get shots. I think Jimmy will be taking her that day. Bailee also has discovered the bathroom, she enjoys yelling into the bath tub. I guess she likes the echoing.

Pretty boring post sorry about that.

Fun Family Friday 4-24-09

I know that it has been a while since I have written a blog, but really nothing exciting to report.

I had planned earlier in the week to have Fun Friday, Bailee and I where going to go visit a friend and her new baby and then go to the park and have lunch. Well, Jim tells me Thursday that he has off Friday. So I decided to make FF into Fun Family Friday! Jim wanted to mow the grass and Bailee and I went to visit our friend Tina and her new buddle of joy Owen. After he was done mowing we went outside to help him plant some trees that he got on Earth Day. Bailee crawled in the grass, however I don't think she like the feel of the ground on her legs so she started to do the monster crawl. Then we decided to put up the Rams canopy that I had won last year and to bar-b-que. We invited some friends over and just hung outside the rest of the night. After our friends went home we stayed outside a little bit longer just talking and looking at the stars. I also said a little prayer for my friend in Texas, they had Relay for Life tonight. It was a great day to spend outside. It was a simple FF but one of the best!

Conversations?

Is the art of having a conversation lost? I feel that we are hiding behind our computers. With blogs, facebook and now twitter does anyone actually go over to someone elses house and just talk? I know that I have hidden behind some of my post and I am really upset with myself about it. I wanted to start blogging to update family and friends about what is going on with Bailee, and somewhere I have lost sight. I know that it is nice to have an outlet to discuss world or personal issues, but I would enjoy talking to someone else, hearing their voice and getting their point of view.

Texas

Some of y'all might know that I am from the great state of Texas. Here are a few things that I miss:
-hearing George Strait every hour on the radio
-going to Gruene
-going to my Grandparents farm-aka: the country
-going to lunch with Nanny
-going to the rodeo
-the bluebonnets on the side of the road
-picking pecans out of Nanny's yard
-Mexican Food
-my church
-going to Schilliterbahn
-having a tan in the winter
-deer season family reunion
-floating the river
-heat
-the Cotton Eye Joe
-Spurs-the basketball team
-listening to family talk about the old days or about my dad
-my Uncle Al's bar-b-que
-playing horse with Kyle and Brien
-shopping with my mom
-celebrating all holidays with my family
-going out with Michelle and Jon

I am sure that I could be here all night thinking of things I miss these are just a few.

Questions? Do you have the answer?

1. Why is it so hard for some people to except others for who they are?
2. Why do so many children need a good home? Yet to adopt a child is so hard and expensive?
3. Why are people judging others when they don't know them or care to get to know them or their situation?
4. Why are love ones taken away so early in life?
5. Why do we take people for grant it?

These are questions that have been on my mind for a while. I am trying to accept that some questions in life there are no answers. And right now I am struggling with that.

Garage Sale

Well, after many years of saying that I need to have a garage sale I actually did it!! One more thing I can mark off my yearly to-do list. The sale was a huge success!! Not only did I sale all of Bailee's clothes I was able to get rid of a lot of other stuff. I also had the privilege meeting Bethany, I have been following her blog for a long time. It was great to actually hear her voice. I love blogging, but one of the draw backs is that you don't know what the person sounds like. I also would like to thank my mom for helping me out with Bailee. I wouldn't have been able to do it without her.

How is it Working

So I have been doing E-Mealz for about 3 weeks, and I love it!!! It is so easy and the recipes are terrific. We signed up for the family of 2 and we always have leftovers. I actually love going grocery shopping. I have a list and I am sticking to it. I also have time to look for coupons on some of the items which is helpful.

Here is one recipe that we like:

White Barbecue Chicken
6 T. Mayo
1 T salt (I used chicken seasoning salt instead of salt and pepper)
1 t pepper
2 T sugar
3 T vinegar
1/4 C of milk
1lb. of chicken tenders

Combine first 6 ingredients and pour over chicken. Bake at 350 for 35 minutes.

This one is a keeper!!! If you try the recipe let me know how you liked it?

One suggestion I do have is that, if you use the 2 person for a larger family, like a family of 3 or 4 you will need a little more meat.

By the way Wal-Mart had boneless, skinless chicken breast on sale $4.00 saving $1.00. I stocked up. You use a lot of chicken on E-Mealz.

I hope everyone has a great week!!!

Fun Friday 3/20/2009

This Fun Friday=FF we made a Easter Egg Tree. When I was a little girl I remember my mom always having one. She would blow the eggs and we would dye them. I knew that when I had kids this was the one tradition that I had to keep. So I recruited Hunter and Libby, as Bailee crawled on the floor and we made the egg tree. We had such a great time, and it was educational as well. The kids helped me count how many drops of dye to put in and they practiced on there colors. I also drew some hearts so that when the egg was dyed they would appear and who ever got that egg got to keep it. I had a great time and can't wait to do this next year when Bailee is a little older.

Ashley Redburn

When I go to work I take Bailee to Ashley Redburn's house. She was the first person, besides family, that I had told about us adopting a child and had asked her if she knew anyone that babysits. She said that she might be interested in doing it? I was totally ecstatic! I knew Ashley through church, we started sitting next to her family when Jim and I started going to First Baptist. I knew that she was a terrific mother and would love my child. So Bailee has been going to Ashley's since she was 4 weeks old. Not only does a terrific job with all the kids she babysits she is also a terrific mom. She always makes sure that her kids get attention while keeping her eyes on 4 other kids. I don't usually have to be at work at a certain time, so I usually stay and chit chat with Ashley. We have some of the most interesting conversations, from what we did that weekend to our views about religion, raising kids, and men. I usually kiss Bailee goodbye, drive off and pray that Ashley has a good day with all the kids.

Ashley not only Bailee's babysitter, she has become a true friend. I love her kids, and her whole family,even Lincoln. I know that if I just need to say something to get off my chest I can say it to her and she won't take offense to it. She might not agree with me, but she respects my opinion. She has taught me so much. Ashley has decided to stop babysitting, which I totally understand her reasons. Even though I give her a hard time about it. I won't be knocking on her door every morning, but we are friends and that we will still hang out.

I just want to thank you for watching Bailee for us. I am truely blessed to have gotten to know you better and to call you friend.

P.S.-I know that I couldn't have said all of this to your face because you wouldn't have understood a word I said, due to all the crying.

My Brother

I got an email the other day from my brother, Kris and I was so excited. You see my brother and I have been through some difficult times, during our teenage years we weren't exactly close. I know that I was extremely jealous of my brother growing up, he was very athletic and everything came easy to him. I on the other hand was like a bull in the china closet.(My dad's favortie comment to descrie me) I felt like I had to work ten times as hard to do anything. I don't know when exactly our relationship had changed, but it has and I am so grateful for that. So here are the things I love about my brother:

1. He is a great son(even though he needs to call mom more often)
2. He is the best father(he did have a great teacher)
3. He is caring and respectful
4. He can talk your ear off until the early morning hours
5. He still kisses me on the cheek
6. He makes a mean steak and brisket
7. He is creative
8. He is a great uncle
9. He takes care of his family
10. He is my brother

Kris, I love you and I couldn't have asked for a better brother than you.

Movies

I used to merchandise the movies in my previous job, so setting down and watching one was not fun for me. But since I no longer work that job anymore, and that we only get 1 channel on the T.V. I have been turning to movies. Here is a list of some of my favorites, movies that I could watch over and over.

1. Grease
2. Top Gun
3. Steel Magnolia's
4. Beaches
5. Forrest Gump
6. Places in the Heart
7. Pretty Woman
8. Sleepless in Seatle
9. Love Comes Softly (All of the Janette Oke's movies, a wonderful family series)
10. Titanic (Honorable Mention, I wanted ten so I put this one in for Ashley)

Mirror Mirror

The other day a friend and I were walking and this lady drove by, we pulled to the side since we had the kids with us and watched her pass us. I looked at the woman's face, she was frowning I asked my friend who by the way knows everyone in this town, is that her normal facial expression? She said, "Yeah". I was like how sad, to think that this poor woman goes through life with a frown on her face. So last night while I couldn't sleep I was thinking how do people perceive me? And how do I want people to remember me when I am gone? And what can I do to make sure that people see me as I see myself? I know big questions for 2 in the morning. As I layed there with my thoughts I realized the only person I need to asnwer to is God.

Fun Friday

So ever since I knew that I wanted to be a mom, I always wanted to make sure that I created memories for my child, like my mom did. So I came up with "Fun Friday". The rules for "Fun Friday" is that anything goes, a day that Bailee and I do whatever we want. A day where laundry, dishes, a clean house, or any other chores don't have to be done. We can spend this time together or with friends just as long as we are together.

Our first "Fun Friday" was spent with Ashley Redburn and her crew. We flew a kite, blew bubble, and took a long walk. Bailee was taking her nap during the flying the kite and bubbles but she loved the walk. My favorite part of the day was just being with Bailee, good friends and laughing.

I look forward to many more Fun Fridays.

Spring Foward

I know that I haven't blogged in a while, I just don't think I have anything important to say. My mood has not been the best lately. I know that part of my problem is that I am ready for spring to get here. So here is what I am ready for.

I am ready to take walks in the park/springs with Bailee and Jake
I am ready to take a Sunday drive with Jim and Bailee
I am ready for my tulips to come up
I am ready for warmth of the sun on my face
I am ready to have a glass of wine and sit on the front porch with Jim
I am ready to Bar-B-Que
I am ready for the grass to be cut, the smell of fresh cut grass is the best
I am ready to plant my garden
I am ready to do yard work
I am ready to have this garage sale and get rid of stuff
I am ready to see Bailee walk, by the way she is pulling herself up
I am ready to go to the pool and take Bailee swimming for the first time
I am ready to make new memories with my family friends

I am ready for Spring and Summer to get here, please hurry!!!

What is for Dinner?

Okay-some will laugh at me and that is okay laugh, but I have a problem. I don't know what to cook for dinner. I try to plan our meals for the a month and it seems like I get into a rut. I go through all my cookbooks to find new and different meals and then make my grocery list. For some reason it takes me hours to do this. So I found this web-site www.e-mealz.com and it does all work for me. They give you a weekly menu (they have special diet menus like Wieght Watchers, low-carb and low-fat), recipes, and a grocery list with the prices. I know I am paying someone to do this for me, but the price is like $1.25 a week. And then to top it all off I found a coupon on line which reduced it even more. I figured with the time I save and the fact that they plan the meals around what is on sale in the grocery store you pick, I can make up the $1 and change. I just printed out my first 2 weeks and I am excited to go grocery shopping.

How we got to this point

I wish that every adoption is as easy as Bailee's was. I know and have said before how lucky Jim and I are.

We have always tried to get pregnant. I knew that I had PCOS-Poly-cystic ovarian syndrome since I was 16 and that conceiving would be difficult but not impossible. Jim and I married in 1998 and have never ever prevented getting pregnant. In 2000, I had ovarian drilling done with no success. That is when they burn holes in your ovaries and hopefully making it easier for your eggs to release. Well that didn't work for me. So in 2002 we decide to visit a Reproductive Endocrinologist. She did lab work on both of us. Jim had a low sperm count which he took medicine for. I did about 3 rounds of clomid, then we did Artificial Insemination. In 2006 we moved on to IVF. We did one cycle but it was cancelled due to the fact I didn't respond to the meds fast enough. A couple of months later we tried again and got thru the whole cycle, but the weekend before Father's Day we found out I was not pregnant. I was so frustrated, depressed and broke it took every ounce of energy for me to put on a happy face and face the world everyday. And trying to be happy for the people around me that either just had a baby or found out that they are pregnant, I just fought back the tears.

I had received a phone a call one day in June 2007, asking if I would be interested in a part-time job. I wasn't due to fact I needed health insurance. Well one day my boss had put me over the edge, I called Jim and told him I was quiting. I was going to see if that part-time job was available and I was going to take it. The job was there, and they offered health insurance to part-time associates. We had decided to take money out of my IRA and do another cycle of IVF. Well the Saturday after my last day of work I broke my leg. I was supposed to start my new job, which consist of standing 6-7 hours a day. So luckily they kept my job for me and in October I finally started back to work. However the money we had set aside for the IVF was gone. We had to use all of it to cover bills and my health insurance for 4 months.

In January came the call that changed our lives forever. It was a Friday night, Jim was at a Basketball game and I stayed home to watch Friday Night Lights. The phone rang and usually during my show I don't answer it, but I did. It was Jim's Father, he said that his step-daughter is pregnant and wanted to give up the baby. And was wondering if we wanted to adopt it? We did a lot of praying, thinking and talking and we said yes.

We met the birth parents in February 16th. They said that they just can't afford to take care of another child. They already have a little boy. The birth mother told me that she didn't really feel any emotional attachment to the child and she said that it is ours. We were so excited. We found a lawyer and got the ball rolling. And finally on Feb.19th Bailee will officially be ours. We go to court for the last time to get the adoption finalized. The whole adoption has taken exactly a year. After many ups and downs that Jim and I have faced I really don't think I would have changed to much to get to this day.

Fireproof

Jim and I have heard about this movie and it finally came out on DVD. I would strongly recommend it to anyone in a relationship. The creators and producers of this movie and Facing the Giants, which I also highly recommend, are from a church in GA. This film deals with marriage and how to love your partner and God. You can rent Fireproof at any Redbox, we got ours from the McDonalds here in town. I hope that everyone watches these movies and if you do please let me know what y'all think. Or if you have any question let me know.

My Snow Experiences

The first snow I ever saw was when I was around 10. It actually snow in South Texas. You would have thought that the world had stopped. Everything had closed and I mean everything, nothing was open not even Wal-Mart. My brother and I made a pathetic snow man. My mom made us go inside every 15 minutes so we wouldn't freeze to death.

So then when I was in High School our Church Youth Group took our annual ski trip to Colorado. It was the last full day of skiing. I was coming down the mountain and was going a little too fast and hit a icy patch. So, I went down the mountain on the left side of my face. I ended up going to the emergency room, having x-rays on my face. I didn't break anything but I ended up with a concussion, scratched face and a black eye. I remember being the last person off the bus and my mom just stood there and laughed at me.

When I moved to Missouri, I realized that life goes on when it is snowing and you have to go to work.

Valentine's Day

I went to work today and went to the Valentine's aisle. I can't believe the stuff they have for this holiday. They have a stuff animal that sings "I'm too sexy..." and a huge card that plays 1 song for $10 for that price you could go buy a whole CD. Back to my point. I love Valentine's Day, yes you should always make your significant other feel important all year long, but really do we do that everyday? Too much of life gets in the way. Lets face it Jim is not nor never will be the romantic type. So I usually look forward to this day. It is usually not the gifts that I enjoy it is the cards that I love. Knowing that he sat down and thought of his feelings about me and wrote them out, is better than anything singing stuff animal.

Favorite Thing

My new favorite thing to do in the morning is listening to Bailee talk to herself when she is still in bed. I go to the bedroom across the hall and listen, while I check email, read blogs or get ready for work. When I am done I go in there and sing to her. I sing good morning to you, like the birthday song. I hope that this will bring a good start to her day, because she brings one to me.

Jake

I finally got over 8 hours of uninterruped sleep last night!!! Jake didn't get in bed with us last night and Bailee slept until 7:30 this morning. I feel like a new person. Jake is our dog that is 10 years old. He must of ate something that he is allergic to. His neck swelled and he itched all over, but today he is doing fine. I love my dogs and the thought of losing Jake someday is very upsetting. Bailee loves Jake to, she tries to pet him but she mostly grabs his ears and tail. Jake however doesn't like Bailee touching him. I try to mediate the situation. Jake has never snipped at her, just growled. When we brought Bailee home for the first time we let Jake sniff her and when he was done he looked at us and I am telling you if dogs could talk he said "Is it staying?" He just left the room with his head down. I have had many dogs over time and Jake will always be my baby.

Forks in the Road

Do you ever imagine what your life would be like if you took a different fork in the road? Let me explain. I wonder sometimes what would my life be like if I never took a job with Anderson. Where would I be? I was offered a territory in Missouri and I have no idea why I said yes, but I did. I didn't know anyone there, had no family with me, and it is cold in the winter. I am not big on change, and this was a life altering change. Sometimes I wonder what in the world was I thinking? When I was asked to move I really don't remember thinking about it too long. I looked on a map and said I will be there in 2 weeks. I remember my Mom and I packing up her car with my cloths and my Dad waving goodbye. We decided to take two days in getting there. I remember crossing in Missouri and thinking there is no turning back now. I got an apartment and then I had to fly to Alabama to get my company car. I look back on that adventure and think, did I really do that? I flew out of Springfield, Mo. to Birmingham, Al. and drove back by myself to Rolla, Mo all in one day. I had never driven out of the state of Texas before, so I was so nervous. And of course that night it poured down rain, I had never held on to a steering wheel so tight. I finally made it home in the early morning hours.

I sometimes wonder where did that independent, go-get-them and nothing is going to stop me person go? I am not saying that I regret my decisions in life I just wonder what if I would have taken a different path where would I be?

No distractions

So life without T.V. hasn't been all that bad. So far. Jim and I are watching Band of Brothers and we are talking a lot more. I have started cleaning out the office and going thru drawers and files and throwing it all away. We all sit at the table for dinner which is so nice and relaxing. Last night I went to the basketball game until Bailee fell asleep with was by the 3rd quarter of the J.V. game. She takes these 30-45 minute naps in the afternoon and by 5 or 6 she is out. She then wakes up at 2. I just don't know how to get her to sleep longer in the afternoon? Anyone out there have a suggestions?

The Best Feeling in the World

I never had anything that made me feel so loved, than when Bailee rest her head on my shoulder and she kind of scratches my throat with her nails. I feel at peace and hope that feeling never goes away. I hate putting her in her crib, because I know that those moments are not going to last forever. I just hope for other special moments that will give me the same feeling.

9:37 Tuesday

Okay so Jim has been talking about getting rid of Direct Tv{Cable}. I was really okay with it. Yes I have a handful of shows that I will miss, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Biggest Loser, and my favorite show Friday Night Lights. Direct TV has already airing new episodes of FNL and NBC was going to start airing them starting the new year. So he finally did it. We really can't afford it right now and it was the easiest bill to get rid of. So last night as I was trying to fall asleep, watching Nick at Night, I know laugh it up but it puts me to sleep, the TV went blank. At that moment I was sad but kind of relieved. Now I really have no excuses to not get stuff done. I would sit in front of the boob tube, as my father would say, and watch to be watching. I plan on doing a lot of cleaning out my house and getting ready for the garage sale, reading, and listening to the radio. I kind of want to start a craft project so I plan on digging in my unfinished craft tote to find one. I am really excited that Jim no longer has the excuse of I'll do it later, I am watching the game. So if any of you have any good suggestion on books let me know.

Faith

The secret of making something work in your lives is, first of all, the deep desire to make it work; then the faith and belief that it can work; then to hold that clear definite vision in your consciousness and see it working out step by step, without one doubt or disbelief.
—Eileen Caddy

While reading this I thought of all the things that I wanted to work, and why they didn't. I always told myself to hope for the best, but be prepare for disappointment. Maybe I need to change that. I always have had the desire for things to work, but I can't honestly say that I have always have had faith. I hope that in the future that I can teach Bailee and myself to have faith no matter what.

Vacation Over

Today, is Bailee 6 month checkup. I can't believe that it has been 6 months already. She is getting up on all fours, so crawling is definitly in our near future. The last couple of days she started this thing, she makes this clicking sound with her tongue. I plan on taping it this week, it is so funny. I am also excited because we are finally getting back to our normal lives. Jim and I are going back to work and Bailee gets to see her friends. Actually I think I am more excited to see Bailee's friends than she is. I can't wait to see how big everyone has gotten.

So I have made a list of my to-do's for 2009
1. Clean and keep it clean the office.
2. Have a garage sale.
3. Stay motivated on our debt diet.
4. Eat better.
5. Be a good mom.
I figured that if I at least accomplish number 5 on my list nothing else will matter.